Today at Cherry Springs I gave a message that caused some alarm to my conservative Elders, most of whom were raised to believe that we are not worthy at all, but not for long. Ok, folks, you know we are all worthy, right? Still clinging to that old pile of self-resentment? It is time to let it go. Something I read in one of my daily devotion books led me straight into the message I was scheduled to give at Cherry Springs today. I have quit trying to plan my messages. I prefer to wing it and let come what may from Spirit, cos if there is one thing I have learned, it is that Spirit is always, always, right on the money. So, at 5:00 this morning, I was still waiting for a message to give and suddenly, there it was.
In the Guideposts “Mornings With Jesus” devotional, the writer tells the story of being married to a well-known sports figure. She and her husband were eating at a window table in NYC, when something weird happened, flashbulbs going off outside the window. There was a crowd of people on the sidewalk, and they were positioning themselves to look, in pictures, as though they were sitting at the table with the her and her husband and the other couple they were dining with! Come on, now, don’t we all love knowing a famous or important person? Sure we do! That is normal, so it may be normal for us to idolize certain people, but it becomes highly dysfunctional when it comes from a place of feeling less-than, ourselves. Our entire life becomes dysfunctional when we feel less-than for any reason at all. I should know. I spent many years in that place, and I can tell you that getting free can be a long journey. I can also share with you that the journey from not-good-enough to knowing you are worthy is worth every blister you will get on your soul as it treks on in this uncharted territory. It has been for me.
I can’t say I am 100% there, but considering where I started out, I am doing well, very well. The place my less-than had it’s origin is where so many people’s did, in childhood, and that does tend to stick with you. I don’t discuss it anymore, with the exception being in a private session with a hurting individual who has a similar history. Then I share a bit of my experience readily, because it helps, sometimes tremendously. It helps because it drowns out the old sad song of “I’m the only one”. On one level, of course, an individual’s own experience is just that, their own, and all stories, even within a common theme, vary. But that’s not the point. The point is that the more we tell and re-tell ourselves (and others) the stories, the more they become embedded in us. The more those stories saturate our minds, the deeper they carve out the neural pathways that were formed in our brains when these traumas occurred. Not good. If you are one who has weathered a childhood battlefield, you are doing yourself and those whose lives your touch no favors if you are refusing to be helicoptered out of it.
I used to barf my stories out all over the parking lot, and often, in the very beginning phase in your healing journey you just can’t help it, you have to let it out in a big way, and to everyone who will listen. If you were like me, don’t you dare be ashamed of having done that. You just didn’t have a clue what else to do. The trick is to move on today and seek healing. The more healed you become, the more you actually can come to believe that God, or the Universe, or Spirit, or your Higher Self doesn’t do things to you. It does things for you. It makes you strong if you grab hold of it and, like Jacob from the Bible, wrestle with the angel and once you get that angel pinned, refuse to let him go until he gives you a blessing. So, Beloveds, wrestle with that angel. I know you think “This _ _ _ _ is no angel!” Of course you do. But that is only because you have yet to pin that angel to the mat! Once you do, you will get a blessing, guaranteed. You may get the blessing of a kinder and more compassionate heart toward others who are suffering. You may discover a joyful life’s work that takes you in a completely opposite direction from what you thought you wanted. You just never know what Spirit has in mind for you once you have wrestled this angel and won. Even if it takes time, even if it hurts; oh yea, it will hurt, but only so that you can feel that motivation to release it for good. Nobody who was made in the “image and likeness of God” is unworthy. That is a false doctrine. Resist it. In fact, resist any teaching that tells you that God is anything but Love. That, too is false. The Truth is that we are loved, even when we are hurting the most, perhaps especially then. Don’t waste another minute, get your healing because it is waiting for you in the Silence of your own sacred heart, deep down, where Spirit lives within you.
…But Jacob replied “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”